“The tuxedo looks so damn perfect on you” Nigel had said to me for the umpteenth time with his face beaming radiant smiles and gazing at me like he’d found a perfect partner in me,
“Thanks Nigel” I muttered trying to sound as masculine as I could in the most sensitive manner. The friendship Nigel and I shared is almost as old as we are, but while I preferred to be with the round and soft ones, Nigel preferred it ever woody, a decision I have never been able to make an excuse for. My wedding is just two weeks away and Nigel had sworn to take care of the clothing, woe betide me if I let the wrong choice of suit ruin a day I’d waited forever for, he would literally slap the insanity off my head.
The shattering of glass brought back Nigel who’d zoned out while admiring me in the suit like I was his most perfect handiwork back to the present. Turning around he walked briskly like a soldier on parade towards the ladies’ changing room and threw open the door. I managed to catch a glimpse of the room and its occupant and there stood my wife-to-be in just her underwear laughing heartily while apologizing for spilling the content of the champagne bottle on the white Bella de-Rosé wedding gown made by Nigel’s italian designer and co-owner of the Bella-Nigel stitches. The ladies turned around at the sound of the door he had thrown open but didn’t make a move to cover Bolanle up, I wasn’t even disturbed that she stood almost naked in front of Nigel, after all I’d met her one year after they became flat mates at an apartment they both shared while studying at a school of arts and fashion in Norwich city, she was in the fine arts department while Nigel was a fabric design and tailoring major and I had come visiting from Essex while I was on my industrial training break. How they managed to become that close is a story for another day.
“Everything all right in ‘ere? Y’all really should watch it eh” typical Nigel, straight up and in your face. He shut the door and nodded as he walked back to me
“all clear” he said and got back to admiring me.
24-10-2012 (The wedding eve)
“This is officially your last night as a bachelor” my mom had said to me when she called me that morning on the phone as part of her routine check on the couple-to-be, an activity she’d faithfully carried out starting a month ago,
“don’t go doing something stupid, I know how you young lads get into extravagant drinking; better don’t go about doing it tonight, I won’t allow you ruin the day for Bolanle with a stupid hangover that could’ve been avoided”. Having said that, she ended the call without waiting for me to say anything. To my mom I was a harbinger of ill luck, if anything ever goes wrong in a gathering and I happen to be passing by, it’s my fault. She still couldn’t believe I was getting married to Bolanle who she’d described as being “too good for me”, well that was until 8 months ago when I finally landed a comedy gig on MTV after I’d been on it for ages while working as a temp in a firm’s marketing department. You really can’t blame her though, who drops out of university in their penultimate year to pursue a career in comedy? That decision left my mom more miserable than the red-Indians after they were thrown out of their land by the Europeans. Bolanle had won the heart of my mom since the first day they met; according to her, Bolanle was the ideal career woman who shouldn’t let a quitter like me have a place in her life; well, I guess fate and love had a role to play in our union.
Afternoon basically rolled out without any thing out of the ordinary, I watched a recorded episode of star wars and Coronation Street while sipping on a bottle of beer and receiving congratulatory calls from those who wouldn’t make it; a large number of whom were girls from my past. Who wanted them around anyway? I don’t want anyone breaking down and getting all emotional while I’m ready to be officially off the cupid circle for singles. Hitting me back to reality with a knock mike said to me when he walked in
“I already made plans at pub tonight we should all get some beer, the rest of the boys would be around”.
I tried hard to ignore the request but I couldn’t, I mean I’m not Nigel right?
“I’ll be with you in a second”. Saying that I dashed into the room, came out with a shirt and yeah, I was ready to indulge in the forbidden.
Arriving the pub, it felt extra welcoming, the ladies looked extra beautiful and the music was way off the head-nod and feet-tap level, it seemed like there was a demon lurking in the environment, a demon I couldn’t just point out exactly what its reason for existence was or why it chose to be here tonight but then it was here and it apparently brought the pub to life which was a very welcome development.
5:50pm
“Let’s be moderate” I told mike when he ordered the first round of drinks. I’ll just have a bottle or two. I’ll be fine with that.
9:00pm
“Call everyone and let them know it’s going down!” I’d paid the d.j a couple bucks for his good work and had called a couple more friends when mike suggested that we get a fuller house and someone else offered to foot a part of the bill.
12:00am
“For he’s a jolly good fellow!!!!……” They’d chanted for me after they made me do a couple bottoms up. It was like the college confraternity party all over again” I took a break from the crowd to take a leak in the bathroom and no sooner than I had opened my flyer to pee did I hear a slight sob coming from the toilet stall. I knocked on the door when I was done “are you alright?” and after several minutes, he opened the door,
“You alright mate” I asked but he just walked over to the sink and rinsed his face and washed his hands, he was using the dryer when he finally said a word to me. I really couldn’t make out what he was saying though cos he was Indian and spoke English with a thick accent. “Join me at my table mate, it’s my bachelor’s eve we should make merry; a little alcohol should help you forget your worries at least temporarily” he hesitated at first but gave in after I’d promised to hook him up with one of the Caribbean beauties at my table as part of his drinking bonus.
2:20am
Now that we were all happy, under the influence of alcohol if I might add, we took to the dance floor moving to the beat of the number one record on the U.K top 40 chart. I found myself in between two ladies who looked like their mission was to make me realise how gravely mistaken I was if I thought getting married was smart. I allowed myself sway in their jezebel-like naughtiness all the same after all I might never get this lucky again-MIGHT.
3:50am
Finally, it was time to leave and I managed to drag myself out of the pub, into a waiting cab and after driving round the city for what seemed like forever due to my inability to direct the driver right, I got home.
Wedding day.
SPLASH!! The force of the water threw me into a daze; it felt like someone had opened a faucet over my head, I struggled, grasping for anything, like an inexperienced swimmer in the deep end of a pool. I could smell the faint scent of YSL M7, and I realized it must have been mike seeing through a squint I saw myself in the most hideous spot ever: I had passed out behind the garden shrubs. Helping me to my feet we walked into my apartment. Good thing my bride-to-be would be joining me in church from her parent’s or the sight of me in this state would have freaked her out badly.
“Oi mate you were totally miserable out there passing out like that” Mike had said to me while we were dressing up.
“I really couldn’t help it brah” I responded seeing it looked like he needed an answer from me to give him the super hero feeling about what he’d done.
9:40am
“Get the phone” mike had screamed out to me from the kitchen while he went through my kitchen cabinets for cashew nuts, to prepare his famous cure for hangovers.
“Get the fuck out of the kitchen!” I had called out to mike as soon as I had dropped the receiver. “Dude, are you still high? Yeah I know you still got a sunken eye but…….” He stopped talking seeing as I was looking troubled and wasn’t paying any attention to him. He inquired what the problem was but I was too devastated to answer so he dialed back the number that just called and that was when he got the news too. He ran after me while I was heading for the garage and pointed me to the shotgun position, I tossed him the keys and together we drove straight to the hospital and there I found my parents and my bride’s parent in the waiting room. “What happened?” I asked one of the doctors when none of the parents would talk to me. The driver had fallen asleep while driving and didn’t watch out for traffic when he got to a cross road and he got hit by a truck, we lost everyone in that car. He led me to the morgue and there I saw my bride-to-be-who-would-never-be lying there lifeless, Nigel, the fuck was he doing with the bridal train though, three of her friends who were part of her bridal train and her maid of honor. The most shocking was the driver whose face was destroyed beyond recognition but I managed to remember the name when I looked at his identity card, it was the Indian from the previous night whom I had given so much to drink and a girl for the night, obviously he didn’t get enough sleep and he was a driver at the car rental company where we’d gone to rent a limo for the bride. Damn! What have I done? I felt wicked and cruel that instant. I walked out back into the waiting room looking petrified, I located the roof top and made my way there. “Shit!” I cursed, who would have thought last night to be misery business? My mom warned me though and right then my guilt level increased an unaccountable fold. I should have just ignored mike, or maybe I should have taken just the two bottles like I earlier said I would, maybe I should have just ignored the man and went about my own business. It all didn’t matter now though, the deed had been done and I was left with a choice; either tell mom I was responsible for the tragedy because I disobeyed her and have her make me miserable throughout the rest of her days on earth or bottle it up within me and beat myself about it over and over again till I die of depression, either ways I would end up miserable.
The perfection between me and bolanle was more than all the heavenly bodies in the galaxy shared. She was the only missing part of my jigsaw puzzle or at least that was how I saw my life. I love Bolanle to a fault but she’s gone now, on what was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives. I buried my head in my palms.
“Guy wake up! You dey mad? You well so?” Shit! I had slept off in the middle of an exam “two minutes more!!!!” the invigilator howled in his annoying hoarse masculine voice. I brought out my reminder to help me through the last moments but I couldn’t get far before he took my paper from me. “You did enjoy your nap didn’t you?” he asked me nicely with a smirk across his face. Fuck you! I cursed under my breath.
thoughts from an empty head 